I have a memo that’s really a question.
“Is saying out loud what you should keep in your head the same as quietly showing off on social media?”
Then, a few memos later, a second note. Something like: we look at Facebook and say, “Move me.” “Make me flinch.” We look for a jolt in a boring day.
Put those two together and you get a whole internet.
Short answer: a humblebrag is a brag in disguise, usually dressed up as a complaint. A 2018 study found it backfires, because people see it as insincere. Plain bragging did better.
The thought that should have stayed inside
Everyone has thoughts that are meant to stay indoors.
“I look good today.”
“I’m kind of tired from all this success.”
“My flight got upgraded again, ugh.”
Inside your head, these are harmless. They’re like the weather. They pass.
Say them out loud at dinner and people look at their soup.
Post them online and they get a name.
What is a humblebrag? Where the word comes from
The word “humblebrag” was popularized by the comedy writer Harris Wittels. He started a Twitter account called @humblebrag that collected these posts, and later turned it into a book, “Humblebrag: The Art of False Modesty,” published in 2012.
The idea is simple. A humblebrag is a brag wearing a disguise. The disguise is usually a complaint, or a little “I can’t believe it” shrug.
“Ugh, so embarrassing, I got recognized at the airport again.”
The complaint is the wrapping paper. The brag is the gift. Nobody asked for the gift.
Humblebrag examples (and the plain version)
These are made-up examples, not real posts. On the left, the disguise. On the right, the same news, said plainly.
The complaint kind:
| Humblebrag | Plain version |
|---|---|
| “Ugh, they put me on the big project again. When do I sleep?” | “I got put on the big project. I’m excited.” |
| “My flight got upgraded again. First-world problems.” | “I got upgraded on my flight today. Nice surprise.” |
The modest kind:
| Humblebrag | Plain version |
|---|---|
| “I can’t believe they picked me. I’m honestly the least qualified person here.” | “They picked me. I’m proud of it.” |
| “No idea how I won this. Must be pure luck.” | “I won. I worked hard for it.” |
The plain version is shorter every time. It’s also the one you’d actually want to hear from a friend.
Is humblebragging worse than bragging?
In 2018, researchers Ovul Sezer, Francesca Gino and Michael Norton published a paper on humblebragging in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
Their paper argues that humblebragging tries to get two things at once: the credit of a brag and the likability of a complaint. Their finding, from the abstract, is that it “confers the benefits of neither, instead backfiring because it is seen as insincere.”
New Scientist reported one experiment with a fun setup. People were asked to sign a petition. When the request came after a straight brag, 86 percent signed. After a humblebrag, 65 percent.
The plain bragger did better. That surprised me a little.
Sezer explained it to New Scientist like this: “Even though bragging is frowned upon, at least it comes across as sincere.”
And then: “Humblebragging, on the other hand, is a sneaky, strategic thing, and people see straight through it.”
The paper also includes a week-long diary study. On an average day, about 45 percent of participants reported seeing at least one humblebrag. Which tracks. It’s a busy genre.
Is saying it out loud the same as showing off?
Back to my memo. Saying the inside thought out loud, and showing off quietly online. Same thing?
I think they’re cousins.
Both are a thought that leaked. The difference is the disguise. When you just say “I’m proud of this,” at least it’s honest. It might be a little much, but it’s honest.
The humblebrag adds a costume. And people, it turns out, are pretty good at spotting costumes.
Why do people humblebrag? My guess
The second memo bothers me more.
“Move me. Make me flinch.”
I think that’s what we’re really asking when we scroll. We want something to happen to us. A jolt. A feeling. Anything other than the same Tuesday.
I know this one well. I’ve been watching a lot of Shorts lately, and I think I’m a little hooked. Some days I open the feed and catch myself scrolling like a patient begging for a dose of dopamine. Swipe, swipe, swipe, without really thinking.
And maybe that’s why the humblebrag works on the writer’s side, even if it fails on the reader’s. Posting it gives us the jolt. Somebody might notice. Somebody might react.
We’re all a little bored. We’re all a little hungry for a reaction. The humblebrag is just a clumsy way to feed both.
What to do instead: two rules I live by
If I’m proud of something, say it plainly. One sentence. No “ugh.”
If it’s the kind of thing that should stay inside, let it stay inside. Thoughts are allowed to live in there. Rent is free.
These aren’t new for me. I already try to keep both.
Plain might get fewer likes. It’s also easier to believe.